Well it's been 7 days a WEEK!

I have been overwhelmed with school, because I'm behind, so posting has not been on my mind, sorry.

Well like I said I'm behind in school and I'm trying to catch up. I'm putting about 5 hours a day 7 days a week (if not more) on just school. This is a lot for me since I'm so good at just BSing my way through. I know bad but I read and stuff they ask for, I just don't always understand, but I sure play off like I do. That's how you have to be college or you will go crazy!! This has been keeping me very busy.

Smoking hasn't happened. Yes, I have thought about. Yes, I'm moody. Yes, I still can't stay focused. BUT I can smell better and for a smoker I had a good sniffer. I'm coughing like crazy, but that's a good sign or so they say......I find that I am breathing better. This is all within just a week. I know things will change even more as time goes, but it's really nice to see/feel these things happening now. This is what's keeping me from not smoking. I have found that I'm using about 1-3 pieces of gum a day and I'm still taking the meds. I've just been keeping myself busy and that's been helping a lot. I find myself thinking less and less about smoking.

THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!! I'M NOT CONTROLLED BUT IT ANYMORE!!!!!
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!

I'm still doing the yoga workout and the Pussy Cat Dolls and I'm finding that I'm getting less sore (thank god!!!). My back hurts and when I sit to long my butt still hurts. I wish my doctors would listen to me already. This butt and hip thing is really becoming to much.

As for the drinks I have switched to drinking one a day and the other the other day. I found that I don't drink as much as I thought I did; it was to much and if I do drink more then just the drink I drink mostly water.  Do I feel like I've lost weight? To be honest no, but it's only been a week so I'm just going to keep at and I know I will start seeing something soon. If I don't than that's more of a reason to yell at my doctors or maybe find new ones that will listen to me. I'm an active person for the most part and there is no reason I should be over 200 lbs but I am. I don't eat unhealthy and I have cut back SO MUCH on soda. I think just this week I have only had 2 20oz of soda. That's great since I was drink about a 2 liter or more a day.

As got Mary Kay; I know I said I wasn't going to do it until after school well I've changed my mind yet again. I'm going to do it but not as much as my leads want me to but I'm going to work in about 5 hours a week right now and see where it can take me. I'm going to study everything I can and I'm going to talk to whoever I can about it. This all changed because I went to the first of the month meeting and it was amazing to see these women so happy. The smiles and the hugs were so nice. Hearing that it's not easy and every single one of them have had their moments where it wasn't working out, but there they are in AWESOME suits, beautiful jewelry, the purses (OMG the purse!!! I love love love them!!!!) and the stories of trips I want that all. This is why I started this was so I can feel better about myself and what I do for a living and in this I'm finding people who actually support me; this is new to me. No one in my life has supported me. Just typing this is making me cry because it's a feeling I have never had before and it's an amazing feeling to have. In 30 years I can say I now have people have my back and are truly there to help me succeed. Just that feeling has opened my eyes to my whole world. I desever that feeling at all times and I'm thinking it's time to stop wasting my time on all the people who don't support me and who aren't there to help; they are just taking up space that could be used for something so much better.

And with that being said; my world is changing. Every area of it's changing; my health, my friends, my family, my house, my mind, and even my sprite is all changing. This week has really opened my eyes to so much that I don't think I could cover it all, but it's all been amazing.

This journey has already been a crazy ride and it's only the beginning!