Well it's been 7 days a WEEK!

I have been overwhelmed with school, because I'm behind, so posting has not been on my mind, sorry.

Well like I said I'm behind in school and I'm trying to catch up. I'm putting about 5 hours a day 7 days a week (if not more) on just school. This is a lot for me since I'm so good at just BSing my way through. I know bad but I read and stuff they ask for, I just don't always understand, but I sure play off like I do. That's how you have to be college or you will go crazy!! This has been keeping me very busy.

Smoking hasn't happened. Yes, I have thought about. Yes, I'm moody. Yes, I still can't stay focused. BUT I can smell better and for a smoker I had a good sniffer. I'm coughing like crazy, but that's a good sign or so they say......I find that I am breathing better. This is all within just a week. I know things will change even more as time goes, but it's really nice to see/feel these things happening now. This is what's keeping me from not smoking. I have found that I'm using about 1-3 pieces of gum a day and I'm still taking the meds. I've just been keeping myself busy and that's been helping a lot. I find myself thinking less and less about smoking.

THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!! I'M NOT CONTROLLED BUT IT ANYMORE!!!!!
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!

I'm still doing the yoga workout and the Pussy Cat Dolls and I'm finding that I'm getting less sore (thank god!!!). My back hurts and when I sit to long my butt still hurts. I wish my doctors would listen to me already. This butt and hip thing is really becoming to much.

As for the drinks I have switched to drinking one a day and the other the other day. I found that I don't drink as much as I thought I did; it was to much and if I do drink more then just the drink I drink mostly water.  Do I feel like I've lost weight? To be honest no, but it's only been a week so I'm just going to keep at and I know I will start seeing something soon. If I don't than that's more of a reason to yell at my doctors or maybe find new ones that will listen to me. I'm an active person for the most part and there is no reason I should be over 200 lbs but I am. I don't eat unhealthy and I have cut back SO MUCH on soda. I think just this week I have only had 2 20oz of soda. That's great since I was drink about a 2 liter or more a day.

As got Mary Kay; I know I said I wasn't going to do it until after school well I've changed my mind yet again. I'm going to do it but not as much as my leads want me to but I'm going to work in about 5 hours a week right now and see where it can take me. I'm going to study everything I can and I'm going to talk to whoever I can about it. This all changed because I went to the first of the month meeting and it was amazing to see these women so happy. The smiles and the hugs were so nice. Hearing that it's not easy and every single one of them have had their moments where it wasn't working out, but there they are in AWESOME suits, beautiful jewelry, the purses (OMG the purse!!! I love love love them!!!!) and the stories of trips I want that all. This is why I started this was so I can feel better about myself and what I do for a living and in this I'm finding people who actually support me; this is new to me. No one in my life has supported me. Just typing this is making me cry because it's a feeling I have never had before and it's an amazing feeling to have. In 30 years I can say I now have people have my back and are truly there to help me succeed. Just that feeling has opened my eyes to my whole world. I desever that feeling at all times and I'm thinking it's time to stop wasting my time on all the people who don't support me and who aren't there to help; they are just taking up space that could be used for something so much better.

And with that being said; my world is changing. Every area of it's changing; my health, my friends, my family, my house, my mind, and even my sprite is all changing. This week has really opened my eyes to so much that I don't think I could cover it all, but it's all been amazing.

This journey has already been a crazy ride and it's only the beginning! 

Day 3

This day seemed way easy for not smoking. No gum! Yay me! I did only drink the dr oz detox water since I didn't drink any yesterday. Exercise was the same yoga and the 4 moves from the physical therapist that I'm supposed to do twice a day. I did it. Today feels very accomplished! Today was a fairly go day with my plan.

I didn't get much school done thanks to two of my exs decised that worrying me was the best thing to do. One ended up in the er and tells me there could be a blood clot in his lung. The other is missing for 3 days and now people are worried. So I spent this night one the phone with many people trying to piece everything together. I did get to catch up on True Blood so my entertainment got in. Well there was no blood clot and the other still working on finding. In all this I didn't want to smoke, I wanted to sleep. I find that when I don't want to do with stuff I go to sleep. I have no idea if this is healthy; I do deal with the issue just sometimes I need to sleep in it. I sleep when I'm in pain, but you ask a doctor that means I'm not in pain. Yeah okay jerkfaces that's the best way to handle pain. I guess my knowledge of seeing and talking with real people doesn't compare to the years of books you have read......yeah I see it!

I'm finding that my back and legs are in a little pain, left hip too. I'm working through it though cuz I'm not letting anything get in the way of my goals.

Well time to get this homework done.

Day 2

So day was more of that urge everyone has been talking about. Well, so with that I must say I didn't smoke!!! Two days with no cigarette!!! Yeah this is happening. I only had 3 pieces of the gum. Oh yeah, oh yeah! I'm still taking the medication and I will find away to make these urgers go away.

As for the drinks, that was hard when I had to spend most the day not at home. I filled my water bottle and when it was gone it was gone. I did not drink soda though so I'm still proud. I only got the Jillian water done.

Working out I only did the yoga plan, seems to be hard to fit in the dancer boot camp. I'm still going to practice the moves but I think this will have to wait to start while I get this break from school.

I'm also backing off a little from Mary Kay just because with school and we everything else I have going on I don't have time. This is way more time then they put on. To have chill time I'm going to have to bust ass first and I just don't have the time. Its put me behind in school and I have very short time to try to get caught up. I need to focus on my health and school right now. This doesn't mean I'm giving up just means I have to fit in what I can while I can.

My youngest daughters dad is trying to get back in the picture too and I have to work this very carefully. This always turns out bad and he runways away and she misses her dad. She won't even call him dad but she knows. She's just protecting herself but I'm wondering if I'm not doing the right thing by letting him come back around. I don't love him I know this.  I can't be with him cuz my friends and family won't have him around.  I don't trust him or even believe him. I can't allow this to happen again. Well just more on my plate this is not fun but I'll get through all of this and be what I'm supposed to be. Kids, health, school, then everything after. Wish more people would understand that and I will work everything else in.

I'm becoming an over thinker and this is something I'm going to have to change but one change at a time.

Day 1

So its been better then I though. I have 7 pieces of gum which I think it more then I smoked but it worked. The drinks aren't gross. They kind of my dry or maybe more thirsty and I thought I would pee more. Maybe that will come in a couple days. With it being the first day I don't think I'm smaller but like I said in my video on youtube (search Meggers world) I don't believe in scales. I believe in how I look and feel also how my clothes fit. I know I'll get weighted today at physical therapy. So for day 1 I'm happy with how I handled everything. I did fall behind even more in school. I can't stay focused at all but ill get through it. Now I'm on day 2.......

Start of a new life

So today is the last day of smoking and got some weight loss drinks. I will still be eating healthy like I do. I have been sick and I stil have a lot more to do. Doctors are telling me to journal, well this is going to be my journal.  I don't have supportive people in my life, so I'm doing this alone. I have started my own business with Mary Kay so I'll be writing about my journey with that.

Basic info about me. I'm 30 years old,  single mom, student, working, reader, watches movie and tv shows and tells everyone about them. I have pages and groups I have started and run. I enjoy being busy but at the same thing I k now this is why I'm single. My kids, my life, my goals, and my education come before dealing with men and all their bull they come with. I just want someone who will want me and do whatever it takes to get me. Haven't found that man.

This journey is going to be long and its going to have its good and bad that are going to come with it.

"Life isn't easy or everyone would be living it." Megan

I'm always going to be doing a video blog on youtube. If you're reading this enjoy!

Megan "Meggers"